muck around writing

*Flashing news ad*
TV News reporter: Empire city conglomerate head Phillips Huynh has today confirmed rumours that he has purchased Nissan Motors and is looking into pumping zillions of dollars into the company in a bid to create the worlds greatest "hectic" classed vehicles. The exuberant leader, who launched into now humbled and understated fruitfulness with the now near-monopolised industry of Hollywood film publishing and production has announced that his vision for Nissan will be beneficial to all the people of the world, promising to eliminate unemployment in every major city, and by implementing an unfounded way of mass global productivity increasing efficiency of the standard workplace by up to 7500%. It was also announced that 75% of profits will go directly to charity to finally rid the world of hunger which thanks to the leaders ambitious mega-programs has seen poverty almost eliminated. When asked what will happen after poverty is eliminated, Phillips replied "We'll continue to do the same thing we've always done for the last decade and a half... Save lives, rescue the needy, and have fun while doing it"... Nissan employees are tonight celebrating the move, employees are; as you can imagine, thrilled to be receiving the news... The claims have received 100% backup from the United Global Leadership as spokeperson and Human Alliance Ambassador Mobalaju Adenubi has claimed that Phillips has far proven his realised idealistic values to the state of humanity... Nissansilvia.com, the worlds largest forum is anticipating on redesigning its entire corporal approach to welcome the global decision.

This is the lates today from VWBC... I'm Alexi Poporov, we'll have updates at a quarter past six...

*Flashing news ad outro*

This goes out to Brent

Hahahaha so Brent and I have been talking on SMS and email since Monday... We were supposed to have lunch with Biggie, Che, Eugene and Peter at Vanessa's workplace (she works at the food level of the GPO)... Anyways we obviously talk about cars lots seeying he's rebuilding his car AKA the Gypsie coz of the curse that follows it! It's blown 5 motors and has been running for 18 months of the years that Brent has owned it hahaha. With the stuff going into his car I've told him that it's more beast than machine now hahaha How funny because the thing pretty much contains his blood seeing how much it cuts him everytime he puts his hands to it...

Odd isn't it, how our car's become like our own... Made up metaphorically and to a degree, literally with our own blood, sweat and tears... It's not dissimilar to the dragon from Beowulf... Half man... Half Angelina Jolie (grins)... They certainly are entities of the Netherwold... Succubii who drain us of our blood, wild beasts who prey on our flesh, oh how many a knuckle skin I have lost to the preying of my Netherworld mistress... The Gypsie must be satisfied by constant blood offerings, vampires by the trickling of our blood, beasts by the quiver of our flesh... My beast demands my sick love and affection, my undivided attention, sadistic and twisted, much like Akito Sohma... They suck our life essence and eat us out of house, home and sanity leaving us a writhing mess of defeated men... Alas, we'll always come crawling back to this place... For want of such a wild and seductive world...

Handbrake drift + carpark spot + old lady = jerk + apology

Man that was an EPIC handbrakie into a carpark spot! I regret I didn't take any pics since I was late and excited haha.

I'm up earlier than usual, meticulously executing my morning tasks, closing every task with a hairwidths amount of buffer, I'm not gonna be late to work today... Except there's one MAJOR impediment in my planned path of execution... I need fuel... So I brush my teeth in my shorter than usual morning shower, skip my shave and miss my breakfast, every second counts... I not gonna be late to work today... I have training after work, so I bundle my uniform, water and workbag in a fell swoop through my room, finishing with a cartwheel over my steering wheel and car keys, adding them to my inventory... I'm not gonna be late for work today... I sprint to my car, crispy cool from the morning dew, and spark up her ignition, I return to lock down the house as she idles out her slumber... I'm not gonna be late for work today... Then we trot to the local Shell servo... IMPEDIMENT... It's Wednesday, cheap fuel so there's a massive queue... I look at my phone... 7:33... 7:34... 7:35... 7:36... 7:37... 7:38... Funny how it seems whichever queue I join when I'm in a rush, I seem to choose the slowest one... Finally I get a bowser, Fill her up with some V, then we are off, 7:44 as we punch down the main road, like a footy player faking a pass then dodging a tackle, we sprint and ballet throught the overtoning drone of road cars doing 2,000 RPM and 70km/h, autopiloting towards another day's productivity... My car sings and squeals, sneezing at the height of every high note and on the challenge of every fat arsed moving roadblock... We skip, dance and charge towards our destination, and we finally arrive... 8:00, not much time left... It's dense here, All the spots near the station are filled, I'll have to try the strip that latecomers frequent... As I pull in, it's filled with little metro cars zipping around in 7 point turns collapsing into a spot on the common side of the road... I really don't wanna be late to work... So I thang it up the street... What do I see? A spot? It is! BUT! Oncoming cars! No! It's mine! I rev her up and she sings a note most praiseworthy! I Jerk the steering wheel to starboard bringing her nose in, oncomers are baffled! "What is he doing?!"... "He's gonna crash into the gutter!"... Alas! jumping off the gas she squeals out at pitch that'll shatter diamonds!

...

...

Bullet time... The eerily familiar... The zone in which one makes or breaks... The sound of strapping wind now but a condescending drone... The faces of the oncoming... unchanging, fixed on confused...

Like a wise blind man familiarly reaching for his walking stick, my left hand cuddles the ebrake shaft...

blink...

like a gas fed rifle, cocking into the firing position, my left leg linearly disengages the clutch...

heartbeat...

the ebrake get's called into action with the heart of a zealot.

SCRAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

+ an unexpected squeal

As eerily as bullet time crept up, it reciprocally snaps as way... The car pivots around it's front 2 wheels, smoke pluming into my window, I even get a bit of road debris in my eye, then silence as the car is now parked, and idling... Fat and happy, smiling and sly, I disengage the steering wheel, remove the key and grab my inventory... Happy she idles away as I walk off, passerby's and motorists gobsmacked with jaws dropping down to their laps... I skip to the station... Fat... Happy...

I get to the stairs and have an old lady turn around and look me in the eye... She reminds me of Mrs. Horvath, a primary substitute teacher that used to torture us by spending hours on end doing spelling exercises...

"Was that absolutely necessary?"

Oh... I see, she must've been the 'unexpected squeal'... What do I say to her?

"Yes ma'am my brakes are boken so that's how I get around"

Smug bastard

"Well get it fixed you... You... JERK"

And I skip away onto the platform... I made it! with a few minutes to spare! Victory!

But what is this? This nagging voice in my head... Well as I'm writing this I realise, that my response was a bit uncalled for... Really I should have apologised and told the lady the truth... perhaps something more like "I'm sorry ma'am I'm really late and sorry to have frightened you, but I've done courses which teach me how to park like this... I really apologise, I feel really bad for frightening you" would have been a bit more appropriate and truthful. Well let's just say this then... If I ever see her again, how about I apologise to her for my conduct today? There's a deal... I may be parking there again soon, should I come across this old lady... I shall apologise for my smug response today, and for frightening her.

But gosh that was cool...

Sent from my iPhone